Last week, I teared up . . .

sooo .. its so good for me NOT to write on this thing everyday . . why, you ask??

Because my thoughts on this experience eare up and down . . but I am gonna blame it on the pregnancy . . . the emotions, all that crap, etc . . . 

Ok . . but ANYWAY, last week was fabulous!  The week all began with sheer craziness at work and the usual anxiety about my growing belly.  But I had an awesome time talking to some old friends who help reassure me that I have not changed and like all of my previous life experiences . .this will just be another one!

Then just to show you how God works . . I woke up on Wednesday  . .only to find that there was repetitive movement in my belly . . . IT WAS ROSCOE!!!  He was moving and this time I KNEW it was him .. not just some gaseous moment that always seems to overtake me ..  . haha!  Since then, he likes to check in  . .just to let me know that he is still in there . .and I like that . . .

As a result, as the week went on  . . I began to look forward to my trip to the Birth Center AND my appointment to see Roscoe again!  I was lucky enough to book both of them on the same day so I knew it was going to be great . .and furthermore . . Sarah, my sister/friend and doula  was going to go with me AND bring her joy, Walker Starr!  Good times abound!

 

Fast forward to Thursday . . I wasnt quite sure what I should expect at the Birth Center but it was MORE than I could have even expected.  It was decorated like an upscale Bed and Breakfast however like the Wizard in The Wizard of Oz . . there were all kinds of things going on behind the curtain . . .

But the Birth Center . . it was awesome . . www.birthcenter.net, if you want to see exactly what I am talking about.  Oh and if you are unaware, I am considering having a 100% natural birth - NOW, before any of you chime in .  . . this is MY decision . .so if you have negativity around it . . KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!  Now . .. if you want to discuss my reasons why I am considering it . . I am completely open to it.  I will detail everything out in a later post, of course.

But the visit was great, the women were friendly, open, caring and it was such a comforting environment . . . and to top it off . . Sarah and I had a  great lunch at La Cubanita! YUM!!!!

Afterwards  . . we were off to the Doctor's office. . . walked in . . rushed to the back and wow . . .

I saw Roscoe again . . and he has grown!  They checked all of his vitals - his little heart is strong - all of his chambers are intact. . . he is about the length of a banana and weighs a whopping 14 ounces!!!  Oh yes . . and since the last time I went in  .. 2 wks ago . . I had gained 1 pound!  (whoo-hoo  20 wks and only 7 lbs . . although my belly feels ginormous! but anyway  . .)

He is coming into his own . . and he was sooooo stubborn during this doctor's visit!  The poor sonographer had to work REALLY hard to get him to settle down . . he was giving us his backside for the entire time until he gave up . .and let us get a few shots . . .  I hope you enjoy and can see him . .  

I was waaayyyyy excited . . . my baby is growing up!  Let me know if you think he looks like his mama!

Blessings in the damndest places . .

Today was actually a great day . . . it was a long work day but I keep feeling phantom movements in my belly!  Not sure if its . .umm. .  (shhh .. .) gas or if it's Roscoe . .but hopefully he will be big enough, soon enough, for me to REALLY feel!

Quick update: Last week, I went to the doctor with Sarah, who has agreed to be my doula!  And we had a good visit.  Roscoe's heart beat is strong . . . and I have ONLY gained 6 pounds and I am 19 weeks!!!  WHAT??  Go ME!, Go ME!  I refuse to lose my sexy . . NO! NO! NO!

Anyway, I received some great words of wisdom from a dear friend/family member that uplifted my spirits . . 

The recap in short . . .

• He was THRILLED that Roscoe was coming into the world . . . why is that uplifting?  Well, honestly, I was surprised at how few folks actually expressed sheer joy about the coming of a baby - maybe they were trying to read MY mood, which I completely understand. .. for those of you who have seen the depths of my soul on this issue . . I get it . . believe me.  But I have prayed and I am in the process of moving to a better place and settled in on the reality of this life experience, so maybe thats why . .but all I know . . is he made me feel amazing!! And i have only felt that with 1 or 2 other people in my life . . . crazy . . .
  
• He explained why people may not react exactly the way I thought they would : Sometimes, I think I know how I come across to other people but guess what . . . not so much . . . Eugenius explained . . This very "human experience" that I am having may seem in direct opposition with this very hard core "business" shell that I have a tendency to show.  Who knew?  I have always considered myself quite sensitive AND for those who really KNOW me . . you already know this to be true.
• He reminded Me . . The Universe will allow me to show love and sensitivity through Roscoe: Hmmm . . never thought about that blessing . . but thats real . . . wow . . what an amazing experience . . .
• And lastly, he said . . "It may be uncomfortable, but CHANGE is uncomfortable". .. yet another PROFOUND statement for me. . .

Now some of you may be having an Oprah moment . . . and thinking "wow, that is common sense" or even better, " I said that same thing to her . . ." 

Well, all I can say is that you have to be ready to be ready . . and also charge it to my head and not my heart . . .  

Just my thoughts, folks . . love you  . . 

Just keep on living . . .

So . . part of the reason I started this blog was to provide an outlet for me to talk about how I was feeling . . . what I was experiencing and hopefully, give you, my friends and family, some insight into my head.  (Watch out though . .it's crazy in here!)  

As I have decided to embark on this journey, it is has been amazing to me to see how life can manifest itself.  Not only with this rascal growing in my belly, but more how the people closest to you learn to digest as well.

Now its not that I had not been warned before .. . 

When I was getting comfortable with the path that was laid out for me by God, I had a small army of people who were very helpful in thinking about  a few things, like what, you may ask . . . 

Well . . a few lessons:

1) You will lose friends in this process  - well maybe not lose but the relationships will definitely change

2) Enjoy your time of pregnancy, it is short - I am trying to do this everyday but it is a challenge . . . I am changing . . and  I am not quite sure how it will wind up long term . . but change is change.

3) Be ready to accept this gift . . . Roscoe = Gift . .. still digesting this one . . .  I am loving my baby already but this is a huge life change for me . .  don't worry   . . i will get there . . just "processing"

There are many more . . and I will share them as I gain greater insight to them . .. and eventually, greater insight to myself.

Week 18, part deux

Ok . . .  so I hope you can see this . . .

These pictures are from week 14 . . . my baby boy! OMG! 

He is getting so big . . but ummm . . I know that old saying . . a face only a mother could love but ummm .. .. this is alot to ask . . (whispering really quietly . . . he looks like an alien !!!!)

And his little belly is soooo big . . . 

But by far, my favorite is this one . . . 

And yes . . that is his little spine and his little hand . . I think he was done with pictures for the day . . you see he had moved all the way around from where he started!

I am growing in love more and more everyday . . .

Week 18 . . .. and it pops!

Alright . . 18 weeks . . whoo . . ummm .. the belly . . its big!

Amazingly enough, I am quite fond of it . . . Laughing at myself!  its super soft and smooth  . . thanks to all the coconut oil, almond oil, CRISCO . . that I am lathering on myself on a daily basis. 

I am not quite sure what it is but I have had a resurgence of my work life . . . crazily enough. . . not to say that I am thrilled by my job but I do feel a little bit of motivation.  Maybe because it keeps me from thinking about all the craziness that is my life right now . . .

Me ??? having a baby??? if you were to ask anyone who knows me . . hell, even people that don't know me . . it would be a far stretch for anyone to believe it or even call it.  It's interesting too because people don't even fake it . . they are stunned and they let me know . . not the best feeling in the world, but understandable.  I mean, like I said, Me??  Wow!

I guess I will put pics up of Roscoe's progression . . .  AND I would like to remind you that I KNEW it was a boy from day 1!  KNEW IT!  Go figure!

The 1st pics are Roscoe at 6wks. . . For those who need translation . . . the black circle . . is my uterus .. .  I know . . a little strange . .  and the white thing that looks like egg white and yolk is ROSCOE!!!  Aww . .. little booger!

Ok . . the next ones are 10 wks . ..  wow . . he looks like something . . oh  . . a baby . .. at the time, he was giving some serious moves . . . i mean chopping wood, doing the robot . . . kung fu fighting . . . i loved seeing it . . and the best part  . . . no one knew!

Ok . . I am still figuring this out . . so hold for the next post . . It is the BIG reveal!

Sooo . . .

Here we are April, 2009 . . . and I am pregnant with a little spirit that I am calling Roscoe.  (BTW, don't get all excited, it's just a pseudonym . .until I decide on its actual name!)

Now that may come as a surprise to most of you that I am even pregnant . . as it is a complete and utter surprise to me and I have known for a while. In fact, I am actually 17 weeks now and Roscoe will be arriving on or around September 11, 2009.

To bring you all up to speed, it is gonna take a while so stay tuned!  I will be updating this blog as my mood swings ..  ..

Peace to you all . . .