So here I am . . .

I haven't written in a while .. . why?

I have been battling back and forth . . thinking about what and how I want this blog to be . . .

Is it place to speak to my feelings about my baby or just a place to express feelings . . .?

Just like everything else in my life right now . . it will stay undefined and it will be what it is .. so without an explanation . . . I will use it as I see fit . . .

Motherhood is becoming . . . has become. . hell . . IS mind altering . . from loving myself to loving someone else, all while balancing the emotion of doing it alone. It is and can be a lonely place where everyone around you doesn't QUITE understand . .. I mean . . this IS a blessing . . . and yes God DID intend for it to happen . . but really, God, really . . like this? Like this right here? hmmmm .. .yes . . JUST LIKE THIS RIGHT HERE.

We are 3 1/2 wks and counting . . .