Ticking time . .

So I haven't written in a while . . a part of me feels like not writing allows me to protect myself . . a little bit, anyway.  Not mentioning the unmentionables . .  i.e. the fear . . or the apprehension . . . etc.  Soooo in typical ME fashion . . I keep it to myself.

But I thought I would share a few random things that have been going on . . .

I am 6 months pregnant as of last Saturday . . . and I have still only gained 8 pounds!  Whoo hoo!!  Its all belly . . and really I just feel plain old fat, but I digress . . .

To catch up, I finally made the jump!  I went to Babies R Us . . and no one TOLD me the sheer information overload that would take place in such a hell hole.  Infant car seats, snap and go vs. stroller, the infamous wall of bottles, binkys and bibs!  ARGHHH!!!  After a really long day . . and an even more frustrating evening trying to register at the store, I had had enough.  The tears came . . . 

Why was I crying?  Man I don't know . . . but I felt overwhelmed and can not fathom trying to make sense of any of this.

Needless to say I made it through . . and sent out my L.A. Shower invite.  If you are in So. Cal  . . I hope you can make it!

The best part of the last few wks have been the movements of my baby.  Every once in a while . . . I think ok  . he's not moving but then . . there he goes . .. again . . and again . . . AND AGAIN!!! 

Its like this . . a friend of mine told me that people would never understand how sensitive I am  . . because I never give that off to anyone.  And it's true . . I feed off the energy of others so it is only when I am in my house . .and its quiet that I remember the gravity of the task that I am taking on.  But then . . just when I am feeling like "What the hell did I do?" , two things happen:

1) He moves . . . Feeling him move reminds me that I am not alone . . . EVER!  He is there, with me, right now . . . . wow . . what a thought!

And 2) I look up to see my friends outside my window.

Now before you think I am crazy  . . I have two geckos (at least I think thats what they are ) that visit me.  Now, they don't come out all the time . .. but they ALWAYS show up when  I am lonely.  I am sooo telling the truth.  One pops up on living room window and the other shows up on my bathroom window!  I call them Mickey and Robbie.

You might think I am crazy . . . but I believe that God is sending those little geckos to remind me that He will show up anywhere at anytime . .  when you least expect it and in maybe in a form . .  you weren't expecting either.  

If this didnt happen EVERY TIME I found  myself in an awkward space . .  I wouldnt believe it.  But it is . . . I have faith.

Update:  Guess who showed up while I was writing this post . . . Mickey!  Crazy huh?